Odd Reaction

Yesterday after leaving my doctor's office, I was exhausted. We were there almost an hour because of course they were behind schedule-which stems from Dr. J being awesome and taking her time to listen. And while there Aidan had an accident of the #2 variety which was a bitch to deal with. By the end of that plus all the questions I asked and details to cover, I was mentally and physically tired.

I went from there directly to pick up Daniel so I called him before pulling out of the spot to let him know I'd be there in about 30 minutes. He happened to be in the office so I told him to let his boss know of the induction date so they could plan his loads and time off.

After that, I called my mom to let her know so she could plan on when to come over and visit. That was just a few minutes of talking and then I was off the phone.

When I hung up from her, it hit me all of a sudden that I was in fact going to be delivering our second child in just over two weeks. It wasn't so much fear that hit me as relief and a tiny bit of anxiety. The anxiety stems from not knowing if Daniel will be home for the birth of his son.

Immediately I teared up and almost started full on crying. Which shocked me a bit. I've been able to keep it together and not lose my mind even with the stress of Daniel's job. I haven't had that moment of panic that I've been waiting on. I had a brief second where I think I stopped breathing and my heart stopped as I thought of what lays ahead.

Oddly, I am calm regarding actually bringing him home and beginning that new phase. I'm a bit okay with the thought of labor and delivery as long as it goes as planned-which with my luck, it won't.

I'm a bit nervous about the possibility of going into labor early. Or having Daniel stuck on the road. Or of actually losing my mind. I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed to keep the panic attacks at bay. Though knowing my doctor is aware of possible issues takes a bit of the edge off.

I'm living in two day increments right now. I just took Daniel to work-yes, in the middle of the night-and he'll be back on Saturday. He'll leave Sunday and be back probably Tuesday. So I'm telling myself, "Okay, just stay put until .....". For the next two weeks, I'll be willing Sam to stay put unless Daniel is here.

Call me a wimp. Tell me I'm a terrible offense to feminism everywhere but I will surely lose my mind if I have this baby without my husband. He truly is what kept me from losing my mind with Aidan's delivery. He is such a strong and stabilizing force that I NEED him there more than any medications or epidurals they could offer me.

Do you know that we are choosing to not have sex at all until he is going to be home for good for the delivery (sometime around the 2nd or 3rd) because we don't to do anything to start labor? Call us silly and tell us it's an old wives tale but we're not taking chances. Even though this may mean we don't have sex again until after the baby comes, we've talked it over and decided it is best. Sucks, but oh well.

So yeah, I'm in a weird spot right now. A little dazed, living in two day increments, trying to keep the baby in, all while getting Aidan ready for the new arrival and keeping myself sane.

I am so glad that we are stopping at two children. I could not do this again.